I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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