I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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