I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
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