my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
