yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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