Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I am naked and annoyed.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
