K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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