I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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