i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize