I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
