just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
