So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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