I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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