When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
