You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
