I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize