I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
