as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
this boner is exhausting
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
