my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
