You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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