my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
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