HIV tests are more positive than that guy
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
