I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
