Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
