peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize