i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
