and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
