Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I deserve this hangover.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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