Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
