I'm gonna have a badass scar
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
