3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
