I just made out with a guy for $7.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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