his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
