I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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