i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
