apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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