It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
