you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
3pm strippers are depressing
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize