Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
