so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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