I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
