the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
