a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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