you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize