Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
