I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
