he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
