do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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