AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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