Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
