Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
the liver wants what the liver wants
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
