Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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