You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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