Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
