Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
