I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
whose parrot is this?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
