Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
