Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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