Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
