He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
