Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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