so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
