I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
