I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
