i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
