i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I have post one night stand depression
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