Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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