So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
