Sry I called you an 8
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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