Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Randomize
