ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
