wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
