what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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