birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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