Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
