Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
