im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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