Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
