If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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