if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
