I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize