thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
