So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
