there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
