Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
i think i just lost a toe
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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