I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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