so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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