Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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