in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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