i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
How does one acquire holy water?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
