And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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