My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
